♥Brand New Me™

Thursday 14 March 2013Y

Yesterday's friend might be tomorrow

As we change, so do our friendships. Friendships are not just given, they must be earned and they must be invested in. They are delicate and at times they can either bloom or wither. They don’t bloom without being watered by compassion, understanding, care and laughs.

With this being said, not all friendships can be salvaged. People enter our lives, people exit our lives; such a change is inevitable. People grow, people change and we have to let this happen. Our priorities change, we become busier, sometimes wiser and hopefully clever enough to sometimes see what no longer fits in our lives.

Recently I had the opportunity to reacquaint myself with an old friend, who back in high school was my best friend. We knew each other’s secrets and hopes, invented our own vocabulary and we were inseparable. Fast-forward to the first year of post-high school realities of university and jobs and shifting priorities and our friendship slowly changed. Yet what dramatically changed and eventually ended our friendship was my disapproval of her first boyfriend. As she distanced from me, she attached more to him. Although I may have wanted to shake her up, I let her live her own life and make her own decisions. Five years later, she is married to him, has a child with him and has converted to his faith.

As I spoke to her recently via a social networking site, I was saddened to discover that the friend I missed and loved was no longer there. I tried futilely to cling onto a memory of her and us and revive that bygone innocence of youth. We weren’t the same girls who lusted over Josh Hartnett and idealistically planned our futures. In fact, after a few chats, I realised the polar opposites we had become. We could never start afresh as adult friends and go to the movies or grab a coffee because of her changing priorities and newfound religious conservatism. I grew critical of her radical religious transformation and her smug satisfaction of merely being a wife and mother. I could similarly imagine her being critical of me being unwed (although I’ve been in a long-term relationship) as well as judgement over my vacuous hopes to write professionally whilst teaching.

Although I may not approve of all her choices and she may not approve of or admire mine, I will continue to care for her and wish her only happiness. With that being said, her version of happiness may no longer be my idea of happiness – and that’s fine. While I may wish her a happy birthday and send her periodical greetings, I will accept that some things cannot be resurrected and accept that. Some people and relationships end and we have to accept that; that doesn’t mean all relationships have to end. If we are very lucky, we will be graced with lifelong friendships which need to be sustained with love and nurturing.

Yet sometimes, even when the love and care are there, friendships end and we have to let go. We drift and grow and in the process, we gain and lose people, which is a part of life. The friends you have in your mid-20s are often not the friends you had in your teens and if they are, the dynamics are bound to be different. You don’t incessantly talk on the phone for three hours a night; you no longer find excitement in the little things like a party. Instead, you opt for a quiet dinner with your friend and the comfort of flat shoes.

To quote Deborah Reber in Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul, “Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” You can’t force people to stay, whether they are friends or lovers. In addition, you can’t force them to fit a mould of what you imagine a friend or lover to be like. What you can do is be the best version of yourself and not define yourself through interactions of the past, present or even the future

♥Pride Nana♥

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20:23

Saturday 9 March 2013Y

Be yourself,no matter what, because people will talk about you anyway.

2013-where everything happened. I'am not saying in negative actually but I do feel like this year is very difficult for me, I meant it. For 2013 where I feel that I'm losing friends,then I've get restructuring to another section. I knew it like a taboo for me, I am muslim and I not believe in misfortune or taboo or whatever things that my religion forbade us to believe.

As 2012 passes by, I feel 2013 is where my eyes wide opened that life isn't easy as its seems. Naturally, I went looking for trouble and get rid for it, but this time it different. I've tangled with something that I can called it totally wrong. In fact, its breaks my heart. I moved out as soon as I could, it creates such a horrible, gnawing feeling that really punches you in the sternum and turns your heart to jelly.
At times I consider just blinding myself to any topic that would cause me to think negatively of someone I care about. Even if it means not finding out until much later that something isn't right, it doesn't completely matter because one way or another, the truth emerges. Someone either loves you and you have acknowledge your gut response when it tells you something is wrong for you.
I totally forgot to remind myself that the world isn't limited to just my view. As much as I wanted to enjoy my life, I was too concerned with insecurity and it made me forget to enjoy so many other things like cultivating friendship, being pleasant and fun person and having a vibrant spirit.
It's ridiculous that I would turn my back a great person, but I did because I was afraid of my own insecurities. We could have remained friends and could have continued talking, joking, and whatever else comes with not being lame. Instead, I'm home this weekend dealing with the repercussions of miscontrued tweets and rearranging my thoughts something better.

Everything that I shouldn't felt about myself always flooded me anyway. Like,

"Hey Nana,you're rotten egg, don't ever to swirling in that group." I called it self-barrier as it prevent me to be-friend with those around me. Its like a moribund state. YES! It was, as I got tired to get traitor friend and someone insulted you in any how or anything you do.

It quite sad, as I back away from hanging out and practice my jokes as I always did, there were nonsense talks behind me. Thanks, this attitude really amazed me. We can know who is friend or not. I'm sad and really move by this gestured but I know sooner or later the truth will be revealed. As being good people promise no harm. It's better to be silent and just do your works whatever hard it is. Sometimes, people might be nice just in front of you but when there were their friends around ( I called it friend guerilla because normally its in group), they will tweeted bullshit about you.

I'm hate argument, yes, as I always bare in my mind, argument of something that really ruined your life is wasted. But sometimes, to fight back is essential. I fight back as I need to clear things up, that I am not what the think about. For those who betrayed me, thanks. You showed your true color. I've learned my lesson about letting you make me doubt my worth as friend and I won't make this mistake again. My life screwed, indeed. When I with another person that somebody you don't need to jealous with, you make sounds about us. I knew the malicious words that proceed from your mouth might be naturally things for you. But, it hurt as its gives me a prominent scars. Like, if I get your thing falls, you screamed and make a noise like it was a big deal. Other instance,I said it was secret but you revealed it till I got scolded to someone that don't deserved to interfere in that matter. That's really nice huh?

Thanks to you, I got my lesson and it's makes me realized that, the one that you must trust is "YOURSELF" . "YOURSELF" never betraying you. Fact. As Maya Angelou has quotes "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". Dear myself, be yourself. People will talk whether you're doing bad or good.

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22:19