Be yourself,no matter what, because people will talk about you anyway.
2013-where everything happened. I'am not saying in negative actually but I do feel like this year is very difficult for me, I meant it. For 2013 where I feel that I'm losing friends,then I've get restructuring to another section. I knew it like a taboo for me, I am muslim and I not believe in misfortune or taboo or whatever things that my religion forbade us to believe.
As 2012 passes by, I feel 2013 is where my eyes wide opened that life isn't easy as its seems. Naturally, I went looking for trouble and get rid for it, but this time it different. I've tangled with something that I can called it totally wrong. In fact, its breaks my heart. I moved out as soon as I could, it creates such a horrible, gnawing feeling that really punches you in the sternum and turns your heart to jelly.
At times I consider just blinding myself to any topic that would cause me to think negatively of someone I care about. Even if it means not finding out until much later that something isn't right, it doesn't completely matter because one way or another, the truth emerges. Someone either loves you and you have acknowledge your gut response when it tells you something is wrong for you.
I totally forgot to remind myself that the world isn't limited to just my view. As much as I wanted to enjoy my life, I was too concerned with insecurity and it made me forget to enjoy so many other things like cultivating friendship, being pleasant and fun person and having a vibrant spirit.
It's ridiculous that I would turn my back a great person, but I did because I was afraid of my own insecurities. We could have remained friends and could have continued talking, joking, and whatever else comes with not being lame. Instead, I'm home this weekend dealing with the repercussions of miscontrued tweets and rearranging my thoughts something better.
Everything that I shouldn't felt about myself always flooded me anyway. Like,
"Hey Nana,you're rotten egg, don't ever to swirling in that group." I called it self-barrier as it prevent me to be-friend with those around me. Its like a moribund state. YES! It was, as I got tired to get traitor friend and someone insulted you in any how or anything you do.
It quite sad, as I back away from hanging out and practice my jokes as I always did, there were nonsense talks behind me. Thanks, this attitude really amazed me. We can know who is friend or not. I'm sad and really move by this gestured but I know sooner or later the truth will be revealed. As being good people promise no harm. It's better to be silent and just do your works whatever hard it is. Sometimes, people might be nice just in front of you but when there were their friends around ( I called it friend guerilla because normally its in group), they will tweeted bullshit about you.
I'm hate argument, yes, as I always bare in my mind, argument of something that really ruined your life is wasted. But sometimes, to fight back is essential. I fight back as I need to clear things up, that I am not what the think about. For those who betrayed me, thanks. You showed your true color. I've learned my lesson about letting you make me doubt my worth as friend and I won't make this mistake again. My life screwed, indeed. When I with another person that somebody you don't need to jealous with, you make sounds about us. I knew the malicious words that proceed from your mouth might be naturally things for you. But, it hurt as its gives me a prominent scars. Like, if I get your thing falls, you screamed and make a noise like it was a big deal. Other instance,I said it was secret but you revealed it till I got scolded to someone that don't deserved to interfere in that matter. That's really nice huh?
Thanks to you, I got my lesson and it's makes me realized that, the one that you must trust is "YOURSELF" . "YOURSELF" never betraying you. Fact. As Maya Angelou has quotes "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". Dear myself, be yourself. People will talk whether you're doing bad or good.